Gone But Not Forgotten
by DCdreamer55
Summary: Maura is dead, and Jane doesn't know what to do. So she drives, and she isn't sure how she ends up in Long Island, but it's better than the too quiet house she has waiting back in Boston. She may meet someone there who helps her more than she ever thought possible. This isn't how it was suppose to be. Because Maura is gone and Jane wants to be too. Maura is gone, she can't be gone.


**Diclaimer: I owe nothing, sadly.**

**A/N: SOOO, I recently dove head first into this fandom, and of coure became a huge Rizzles shipper. CUrse lesbian subtext! Okay, I'm awful proud of this one, it's almost 2000 words, and it's probably the first fic I've written in order in a long time, plus I pumped it out in like three days so we're good. I hope Jane is in character. As I said, I am very new to this fandom, so I hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you think, read and review!**

**Enjoy :)**

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Gone But Not Forgotten

Jane isn't sure how she ends up in Long Island.

She isn't sure but she doesn't really care, because when she had climbed into her car at 2 in the morning a few nights ago she just wanted to get away. Just needed to get away. She didn't care how or where, she still doesn't, but anything is better than the too quiet house waiting for her back in Boston.

She feels like the silence is suffocating her. That the words never spoken are closing on in. Coming to wrap her up and take her down. The silence is deafening, and she can hardly take it anymore. She wonders briefly if it is better here then it was back home, and almost thinks that it is before she remembers that it can't be. And she pushes the thought away all together because without her it no longer feels like home.

She is gone. Maura is gone and she just can't take it. Because even in her head the word is just too painful for her to manage.

_Maura is gone. She can't be gone. _

Long Island is cold and wet. The early spring air is damp and causes Jane's hair to become a big, frizzy mess but she looks horrible anyways. There are dark rings under her eyes caused by the lack of sleep, and when she looks in the mirror the detective can see the pale hint of tear tracks on her cheeks. She is sluggish and tired, plus she has lost a substantially amount of weight in the last two week that is in no way healthy.

If Maura were here, Jane would be in trouble for letting this happen to herself. She would probably get a lecture and then but sent straight to bed by the doctor, if she was here. But, then again, if Maura was here she wouldn't be like this anyways. Sad and alone in Long Island.

First she was in Virginia. She had gotten in her car and drove, and after ten hours when she finally run out of gas she was in the outskirts of Virginia. On the side of the road, lost and alone in Virginia. And then she cried, finally had cried. Because she had just said goodbye as the casket was lowered into the ground back in Boston and it couldn't be goodbye. It just couldn't be.

She had sobbed herself to sleep that night, waking up in the morning with the sun in her eyes. Her neck hurt from sleeping in the driver's seat, and her face was raw from the hours of tears last night. Her head pounding with the ones that were still unshed. She got out and pushed the car to the nearest gas station, only two miles, and is silently thankful when nobody mentions the redness of her brown eyes.

With a full tank it's Ohio next, though she has to stop halfway there to get her first bite to eat in almost a full 24 hours. There was nothing special in Ohio, just more people who weren't Maura, and she doesn't waste her time there, only pausing to get the things she needs before heading on the road again.

And now she is in Long Island. Almost a week it has been, and she is close enough but not planning on going home anytime soon. She feels like there is nothing left home. Because she loved Maura so Maura was home. She still is. She doesn't mind Long Island though. She finds the cold air refreshing, and she knows nobody and nobody knows her. It's just the way she needs it. Alone, with salty tears and the highest alcohol beer she can find.

Jane doesn't really want to be outside. She would much rather be driving or sleeping in a hotel room, but she likes the feel of the cool air on her open skin as she runs. Plus, she hasn't had a decent meal in days, and she can practically hear Maura telling her to take care of herself from heaven or beyond or wherever she is.

She isn't sure where she is going -still isn't, hasn't been, never is, not since the funeral- but all she thinks is; run. So she does. She runs, straight and hard down the streets of a city she doesn't know. A city who doesn't know her and never knew Maura either. Her lungs burn, screaming for air but she keeps running. Jane keeps running because Maura couldn't breath in the end and she shouldn't either. Maura isn't breathing and it kills her. Maura isn't breathing and she doesn't deserve to now.

There is a breaking point. A point in time where she just can't take in anymore, and a sob goes to escape her lips, but know sound comes out because there is no air in her lungs behind it. She has to stop in front of a coffee shop to breath. She stands there, hunched over as she violently sucks in air while simultaneously holding in sobs.

This is it. This moment. Where the pain hits its peak and she can't. She just can't do it anymore.

Jane isn't one to pray, not really, not since she was young, but when she asks for to relief or a miracle, it is just some hopeless whim about getting Maura back, but she doesn't expect anything to happen. And she most certainly doesn't expect a tap on the shoulder. Her hand immediately goes to her hip, a reflex, but there is no gun there, and she lowers it back to her side when she straightens up to look at the person next to her.

It's a women, with high, blonde hair and the longest nails that Jane has ever seen, "Hello, sorry to bother you, my name is Theresa." she introduces herself, and Jane is hardly paying any attention, because her lungs still burn and she is trying to process what it happening.

The women doesn't seem to acknowledge her confusion, for she continues talking, "I'm a Medium, which means I can communicate with people who have crossed over." she says, and this gets a raised eyebrow from Jane but nothing more, "Is there a young female who recently passed in a tragedy."

Jane's breath hitches in her throat, and she has no time to think about how crazy this is because she is nodding her head. Maybe this is her sign, her miracle, and she would guess so if Maura didn't hate guessing. But she nods because this is the only thig she has, this women and a hope that she could somehow be connected to Maura.

"Okay." Theresa nods, "Now, they just labored my breathing, so did she have a lot of trouble breathing in the end? And blood, I just tasted blood, was there lots of blood at the passing?"

This time Jane manages to choke out a, "Yes." to the questions. They were investigating a simple murder, like everyone day at the job, and they have hardly gotten there before gunshots ring through the area and Maura falls to the ground. Jane should have been there, she should have been able to step in front and take that bullet but she didn't. She didn't and she finds herself holding a dying Maura on the pavement. Bullet piercing the lung, she would figure by the blood and the Doctor's struggling breath. "Maura." she whispers, painful, pleading, but her friend only shakes her head and Jane can't believe it. Then the doctor reaches hand -covered in blood from where it was pressing her wound on her stomach- and softly caresses the detective's cheek. She is trying to speak, but she can't. Even then though, Jane can see her lips forming the words without the sound coming out, _I love you_, and Jane is going to say it back but then she dies in her arms. Maura dies in Jane's arms and Jane thinks that maybe a piece of her dies to.

This isn't how it was suppose to be. Because she was finally going to tell Maura how she feels but she can't anymore. Because Maura is gone and Jane wants to be too.

_Maura is gone. She can't be gone_.

"What is the whole thing about 'Queen of the Dead'?" the blonde asks with furrowed brows, pulling Jane out of her suffocating memories.

The detective almost laughs, because there is no doubt now that it is her doctor, "That's what I called her, sometimes." she says, smirking slightly.

Theresa tilts her head to the side, pausing, lips pursed, "Did you-" the medium begins, then takes a deep breath and says, "Did you love this girl?"

Jane's breath hitches in her throat, and she let's out a low, agonizing cry. Her breathing is labored as she fights to hold in more sobs. It's funny how one second can change everything. Because one second Maura was alive and then she wasn't. One second she didn't know if she loved her best friend and then suddenly she did. And now, a second ago she was almost laughing, but now her lungs are tight, and she feels like she's dying. She feels like she drowning and she can't do it.

_Maura is gone. She can't be gone._

But she has to get it out. It's so important, especially now, because she couldn't get it out before and it kills her. This chance now, because she swears Maura is listening, right there beside her, and she has to say it. Jane swallows, "Yes." she says in a raspy voice, then louder, "I loved her." She loved Maura with all her heart, she still does. Jane loves Maura, she always will.

"She knows." Theresa confirms before she can even ask, and Jane feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her chest. That's all Jane ever wanted, she just needed Maura to know, "She loves you too." says the medium, and Jane finally smiles. It's bittersweet, knowig and loving but it's a smile.

"Thank you." she breaths, and Theresa nods before turning and walking away with a young brunette who Jane assumes is her daughter.

Jane sighs a deep sigh of relief, placing he hands on her hips and turning away. She feels so much better now. Because Maura's dead but she's not gone, and Jane loves her and Maura knows. Maura knows and she loves her back.

Jane turns and begins to walk back to where her car in parked. This time she's driving home to Boston, to a house that doesn't seem too empty anymore, because she is sure Maura's still beside her. Every step of the way.


End file.
